There is not much I dislike as much as I dislike winter. It’s cold and rainy. Then it’s really cold and windy. Then for a bit it gets extremely cold. Of course, then we come to R.F.C.*. Let’s throw in some snow and slush along with the windy bits. Then about the time we have just about had it with shitty weather every thing freezes and stays frozen for a couple of long, long months that feel like years that have turned to decades.
Mind you, all this time the sun goes into the Witness Protection Program and hides out like a New Jersey mobster turned states evidence. While the sun is doing it’s hideout thing in the Bahamas, Algore the Evil Snow God does his best to make us all watch his propoganda film by forcing us all indoors and dreading having to venture forth. The wind howls an evil song along with the stubborn thermometer who turns itself all the way down and refuses to help.
My car sits outside all day and night and when I ask it to start sometimes it just looks up at me and coughs one of those little coughs rude people give you when you light a smoke in a bar. This where I usually resort to threats and mean words to coax it into starting. The whole while I’m shivering. Oh, yea, shivering! Who the heck invented that?
Hey, let’s go for a walk! Are you insane? Is the normal reply given when someones utters such nonsense in winter.
This morning I awoke, with my windows open, to find it was only 44 DEGF (that’s 279.8 degrees Kelvin) outside…and inside. The high temperature today was 57DEGF (that’s 287 degrees Kelvin). I turned my furnace on this evening.
The only good thing about all this cold and freezing and snow and slush and wind is that I have a fireplace in my living room.
So when I have completely had it with the cold and nasty that winter is I can always build a fire, pour myself a glass of bourbon and read a book or watch a movie by the fireplace.
* Really Fucking Cold