16 years ago I bought a Western Diamondback Rattlesnake skin wallet. About 7 years ago I retuned to the Eastern Sports and Outdoors show in an attempt to find the guy I bought my first one from and get another. The only thing I found out was that the guy I bought it from had died. Oh well, how difficult can it be to find a Western Diamondback Rattlesnake skin wallet. Haha!
Fast forward to yesterday. For the past three days I have been handling my old wallet VERY carefully because it finally fell apart and all my cards and money and whatnot would fall all over if I did not handle it just so. So I walk into SprawlMart and find the Gifts/Jewelry area and I look over the offerings and decide on a nice black bi-fold leather wallet. I turn to the Jewelry counter and I ask the extremely overweight lady behind the counter if I need to pay for it there or at the checkouts at the front of the store. She begrudgingly agrees to ring me up there. It came to $10.21. I handed her a 20 dollar bill. Pause. Then I remembered all the singles and change in my pocket and I didn’t want any more so I pull out a dollar bill and hand it to her saying, “Oh wait I have a one.” So I hand her a dollar bill. She stops dead in her tracks and several looks of confusion, anger, sadness, stupidity and probably hunger came over her face all at the same time. She paused with flashing glances between the change in her hand and the cash register. After quite a long dramatic pause she takes about three steps to her left and picks up a calculator. At this point I lose it and say out loud, “You have GOT to be kidding me? Give me a ten and the change from 21 cents! By the way that comes to 79 cents!!!”. The 30-something, grossly overweight, semi-evolved simian behind the counter proceeds to give me two fives and two dimes and a penny. By this time I’m in full out WTF mode. So I felt the need to exclaim, “You are proof that our public schools are broken. Last time I checked when you subtract 21 from 100 you get 79 as in you owe me 79 cents change!!!”. I slammed the 21 cents she had given me on the counter and she counts out 79 cents, hands it to me and I walk away muttering, just loud enough to be heard……Fuckin’ Idiots
Why did I go that bastion of American uselessness anyways? Because I was in the neighborhood and thought maybe, just maybe this time I won’t leave there muttering swear words and insults under my breath.
Silly me. So the moral of the story is, the next time I consider walking into a SprawlMart I shall first consider self flagellation like some Buddhist priest who is pissed off about some war or something.